Before agreeing to let your husband hang 28 framed albums on the wall, with the stipulation that he must be the one solely responsible for dusting them, picture life 9 months down the road. Have the albums ever, ever been dusted?
Yeah, I thought not.
I started doing yoga again. I used to do it first thing every single morning, but I stopped doing that…umm…quite a few months ago. I switched back to the fully modified routine, but I won’t stay there long. I’m much too flexible. Bend over and put my hands on my knees? Lady, I can bend over and put my palms flat on the floor! Of course, on the harder poses, I guess I’m better off sticking with the modified routine. For comparison, I used to alternate between the half-modified and quarter-modified. Half-modified was too easy, but I liked the chick the best, so I generally stuck with her.
J and I have also started going on longer walks again. Between his foot problems and our utter lack of energy, we’ve really been slacking off lately. Not good. We had a somewhat serious conversation last night, while walking, about how badly we wanted to start eating healthy and walking regularly again. It was great, because neither of us had really said anything about our slow decline into our old ways, but we were suddenly on the exact same page.
We both miss eating healthy food, like when we were following the Flavor Point Diet every day. We both miss taking looong walks every night. And I’m pretty sure that we’re both tired of seeing the scales stuck at a 20-lb weight loss. Granted, I’m thrilled to be 20 lbs lighter than I was when the year began, but I’m done with 20. I’m ready to move on to 25, 30, 45.
I just read that there’s going to be a Fraggle Rock movie. I have very mixed feelings about this…one one hand, I absolutely LOVE Fraggle Rock, and have made it a personal goal to introduce the Fraggles to as many children as I can. On the other hand, there’s just the huge risk that they’ll screw it up royally, ruining the precious memory of yet another childhood love. I don’t know, I don’t know.
1 box Pillsbury Funfetti cake mix
1/3 cup oil
2 eggs
coarse sparkling sugar
1. Dump everything in a bowl.
2. Stir it up real good.
3. Plop 1-inch balls onto a cookie sheet.
4. Press balls with sugar-coated glass to 1/4-inch thickness.
5. Bake at 375 for about 7 minutes.
Yum, yum, yum. I got the recipe off the side of a box of cake mix, and apparently it won one of Pillsbury’s Bake-Off awards. I can see why. Everyone LOVED them when I made them for J’s birthday party. Seriously, people couldn’t keep their hands off them.
Best part? Cookie dough (especially frozen) is inherently awesome. Cake batter, also awesome. But cookie dough that tastes like cake batter? Holy, holy, wonderful treat.
J’s birthday is tomorrow, and I’m actually thinking about attempting to make some chocolate lava cakes. I’m scared. And intrigued. Mostly scared.
P.S. Definitely not pregnant, but still feeling lousy.
“You rented Sweeney Todd?”
“I couldn’t really find anything else, so I got that.”
“Oh, really? Okay…”
“What, is that not good?”
“It’s fine, I was just a bit surprised. I mean, it is a musical.”
Pause.
“Sweeney Todd is a musical?”
“Umm…yup. It was a musical on stage, and I’m pretty damn sure they kept that aspect of it in the movie.”
“Well, shit.”
“I think I’m broken”
“You’re not broken.”
“Yes, I am. I’m getting old and broken and I hate it!.”
“Hey! I’m turning 33, so I don’t even want to hear it.”
“I’m so tired of feeling weird, and I’m so scared of health problems, and I don’t want it, and blaaagh!”
“You don’t have health problems.”
“I might.”
“Like what?”
“Everything that I’ve been complaining about!”
“Hmm. You’re dizzy. Your boobs hurt. You have weird pain. I think you’re pregnant.”
Pause.
“I am not.”
“I think you are. When’s the last time you peed on a stick?”
“I don’t know, a month or two ago. But I’m not pregnant. It’s just not…here, I’ll show you. See my chart? Let’s just pretend that my period last week was implantation bleeding, then count back…well, hmm…if the slightest possibility there, and the highly unlikely possibility there, then the maximum possible number of days there, then if it was actually…NO. There’s seriously just no way. We would have had to defy every logical rule, have to meet every minuscule, remote possibility in the book, and I’m just not buying it. I’m not pregnant, just broken. I’ll go to the doctor next month.”
“Which doctor?”
“Just for a checkup. With all of them. The girl doctor. The regular doctor. I need to see the eye doctor too. Oh, and the dentist - the tooth doctor. Yup. Tooth doctor.”
I could blame my lack of sleep for my problems, or not eating healthy or in a timely manner, or an excess of energy drinks, or I could go into my long, secret, assumed list of all-the-things-that-are-wrong-and-will-likely-kill-me. Not at all dramatic. I’ve got a long list of such things. I, um, tend to be a little paranoid. The only thing that I can for-sure cross off my paranoia list is the pregnant thing, because there’s just no chance of it. Buuut I’ll probably end up peeing on the stick tonight anyway, because I’m completely irrational like that.
Uuuuuuggggggghhhhh. If only that were true.
Last night I stayed up too late, and then I tossed and turned from midnight until…? Multiple hours. I tried every sleep-inducing trick I could think of. Rescue Sleep spray. Pillow fluffing. Lavender lotion. More covers. Orgasm. Less covers. Counting. Talking myself out of thinking. Assigning genders to the letters of the alphabet. The list could go on and on.
That last one may have been the one that did it, because I only remember getting to G, but I also could have gotten distracted and started thinking about something else. My brain just refused to be shut off last night, refused to stop whirring and spinning at a million thoughts per second.
I was quite impressed with my job performance today, despite my three hours of sleep. Saturday night, I had a bad dream that my bosses were mad at me for sucking, so I was determined to not suck at all. I went out of my way to be energetic and extra cool this morning. We had a lot of fun, and it was a great morning. I was so happy to not let my lack of sleep affect my skills. I can be a great nanny with little sleep.
Then.
This afternoon, ha ha, I was suddenly struck by an overwhelming urge to vomit, followed by shaky hands, wobbly legs, and an overall feeling of dizziness. Very pleasant. I never did puke, but I did plant my ass on the floor next to the kid for the last hour and a half of my day. So much for not sucking today.
daily life. weight loss. debt reduction. self-domestication. just life. just me. just some fat chick.
Posted by somefatchick 
